You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
