hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
