I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
