Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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