She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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