Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
