fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
