I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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