i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
