i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
