I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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