She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
