She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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