Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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