This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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