she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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