it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
