I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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