New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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