You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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