we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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