i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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