what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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