woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
