you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
