I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
