Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
