Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
