I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
