you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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