Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
