I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
