well you can't waste a boner
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
