the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
