Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
