I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
