Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
