I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
