He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
