if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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