There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
