Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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