Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
