I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm passing your future prison.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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