she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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