are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
