I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
