the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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