at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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