You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
