Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
