Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
