so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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