I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
