Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
