As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
