Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"

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(504): View more from Louisiana

My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

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(714): View more from California

so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

(1-714): View more from California

i'm so jealous of you right now.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.

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(518): View more from New York

i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you

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(503): View more from Oregon

it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.

(815): View more from Illinois

i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.

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