There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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