EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
