why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
