At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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