Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
