apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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