Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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