Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
