please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
