please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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