Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
