I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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