Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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