she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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