Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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