im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize