I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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