I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
