i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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