We won't sleep together?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
