Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
