Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
