Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
