Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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