Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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