I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize