What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm like, not good at living.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
