It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
don't judge my taste in strippers
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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